The summer: and track lameness

On my way to dinner tonight I passed a guy heading west at 11th and Monroe on his cell phone, looking at the lame tourist map that they're handing out to the folks in town for the Olympic Trials. So I say: "Excuse me, do you need directions?"

'Nope, I know I'm going in the right direction. I was just surprised at how crummy this street got for a while.'

"Crummy" was the exact adjective used. You know how you can never think of a snappy comeback when you need one? What I came up with was: "Well, in a few blocks it's going to turn into strip malls." To which he replied: "Oh, so crummy, nice, then crummy."

So many other options:

"What's so crummy about 1920's Craftsman bungalows?"
"I'm sorry sir, we like to call that downtown."
"Hey: I live over there."

Of course, I could have just used the always appropriate: "Prick." But we were told to be extra nice to the visitors.